Thursday, 12 April 2012

Guilt/Jealousy :(

Okay, I know i'm not alone on this one.  I'm sure most newbie moms go thru' the same thing.  What am I talking about?  The ugly green-eyed monster, Jealousy!  While I would love to be a stay-at-home mom, like so many others, I cannot afford to.  So in comes the nanny *sigh*. 

Glad you are to have someone caring for your child, guilty you are because you are unable to do it yourself, jealous you become when they form that special bond :s.  So what do we do?  From the beginning of time, mothers have had to receive help caring for our young, no need to be guilty.  Talk to other parents in similar situations and realize, you're not alone, you're not the first and you won't be the last.  Also, note that without working you would be unable to properly care/provide for your child.

Having come to realization that you have to work, next comes choosing a care-giver (a nerve-wracking process).  Do you choose nursery/nanny?  For me, the nanny was the better of the two evils.  So here she is and she doing a great job (heard sooo many horror stories) and on the one hand I feel fortunate to find someone who cares so much for my honey.  On the other hand, I feel jealous that she gets to spend her days with MY baby :'( .  She gets to hear first words, see first stages of crawling/walking, talking and all the things I wanna obsess about :(.  When she comes in the mornings, he reaches for her happily and smiles, yet I was the one spending sleepless nights *not amused*.  So I grudgingly hand him over and watch him forelornly beam with happiness as I get ready to spend the morning in traffic, headed to a job where I spend hours waiting to get home to be on the receiving end of those smiles *sigh*

My inner-child wishes to lie in a ball and throw a tantrum (maybe there is something to being a baby afterall), yet my rational adult mind knows that good help is hard to find and I should thank my lucky stars.  All in all I have a great nanny who loves my son and takes excellent care of him.  So I make up for my guilt and jealousy by showering him with lots of love and attention and enjoying every moment with him to the fullest.

So until next time, mi gone love up mi honey bunch :) Walk good!

1 comment:

  1. I am not a mama but I'm his aunty and when he comes over I don't want to put him down. There is so much love I have for him, so I can't even begin to imagine as the mother how you feel but I understand it. Totally